How to Interrogate a Codfish
by erinioannucci
Summary: When Emma seems to have gone missing, David and Mary Margaret have to get Captain Hook to tell them where she went. To make Hook talk, they throw him a blanket party, but instead of beating him up, they end up doing something he never expected... they tickle the hell out of him!


Mary Margaret knew something was up. She was having lunch at Granny's diner when she looked out the window and saw Emma talking to Hook. That wasn't the strange part though - the odd part was that Hook seemed to be loaning money to Emma. _Why on earth would Emma need money from Hook? _Mary Margaret wondered. Then she saw the two shake hands as if making a deal. Then Emma slipped the cash into the pocket of her brown jacket and disappeared.

Puzzled, but not particularly worried, Mary Margaret finished her sandwich and paid the check. She didn't see Emma again for the rest of the day. By the time nightfall came, Mary Margaret was becoming concerned. She told David what had happened earlier that day.

"What would Emma need money for?" she asked her prince husband.

"A better question is, why isn't she back yet?" David mumbled, as he and his pixie-haired wife sat at the counter in the nearly empty diner. It was getting late, and the couple returned to Granny's for a cup of coffee.

"Not many places a girl can go in this town," said Granny, jumping into the conversation. "More coffee?"

"Yes, please."

David put his elbows on the countertop and rubbed his temples. His wife carefully sipped her hot, freshly poured coffee. She suddenly looked at David. "Do think she could be in trouble?"

"I don't know," David said after a pause.

"Maybe Emma's paying blackmail to someone," suggested Granny from the other side of the counter. At this, David and Mary Margaret looked at her, then back at each other. Their eyes filled with concern.

"David, we have to find out where Emma went," Mary Margaret said. "For all we know she could have crossed the town line and right now she could be…"

"Mary Margaret, chill. We'll find her… first of all, when was last time you saw her?"

"I already told you, David - this afternoon. There she was, standing outside with Hook - wait a minute… Hook! Of course!"

"What about Hook?" David asked, frowning

"Don't you see?" Mary Margaret turned around on her stool. "Hook must know all about this!"

David looked out towards the big window. "Well, if Hook knows anything about this we better go have a little talk with the pirate."

"You want me to keep your coffee warm, in case you're back?" called Granny as the pair headed out the door. Her words went unheard.

David and Mary Margaret rounded up the seven dwarves to give them a hand at questioning the pirate. The evening sky had just turned a shade darker by the time the group arrived at Hook's motel. The captain usually lived above Granny's diner, but became annoyed by the smell of her new recipe for fried-cabbage pie.

Mary Margaret picked the lock on the door and slowly peered inside Hook's room. Hook was fast asleep on his bed, the sheets pulled up to chin. He was laying on his back. Mary Margaret pushed the door open a little more. "Psst…Hook? You asleep?"she whispered ever so quietly.

No answer.

She turned to the others who were behind her.

"Sleeping like a baby?" asked Leroy, the grumpy dwarf.

Mary Margaret nodded. "Follow me," she whispered, motioning to them. She stepped quietly into the room, followed by David and every one of the seven dwarves.

"Let's get this show on the road," whispered Leroy, rubbing his hands together, eagerly. Then he and the rest of the dwarves surrounded the bed. David pulled a couple of pillow cases from a drawer and told the dwarves to tie Hook's hands to the corners of the bed. The pirate stirred while they were tying his hands, but didn't wake up. When that was done, the dwarves took their positions on all sides of the bed. They all grabbed on it part of the blanket and pulled it down tight… to immobilize the rest of Hook's body. Only Hook's pale, bare feet were sticking out. The captian was jarred awake when the blanket suddenly squeezed him against his mattress. He blinked but it was too dark to see.

Then David turned on the lamp, lighting up the room.

"What in the bloody hell…" Hook's eyes adjusted to the light and he soon realized the situation he was in. "Well well… I've heard about these - never thought I'd end up the guest of honor in one though…"

"What are you talking about?" asked Mary Margaret, unimpressed.

Hook's eyes darted around, glancing from face to face. "You're throwing me a blanket party, are you not?"

"Yeah… in a way," David answered coolly.

Hook lifted his head up a bit. "What's this? You've only got the blanket covering me from the waist down… my arms are supposed to be tucked down by my sides. Not… out… like… this," Hook suddenly became puzzled and started struggling when he finally noticed how his hands were tied – to corners of the bed… way to high overhis head.

"Hook, listen, we want to know what's going on with Emma," said Mary Margaret. "You gave her some money. Tell us what she needs the money for and where she went with it."

"Or else," David added.

Hook stopped struggling for a moment to sneer at them. "I'm not telling you a bloody thing."

David and Mary Margaret glanced at each other, sharing a raised-eyebrows look. "Well, David," she sighed. "Looks like we'll have to force him to talk."

"If you mates think I'm telling you where to find the towels and soap bars… you're out of your bloody minds," the pirate said with a scoff. He watched Mary Margaret as she moved causally towards him, and looked down into his worried eyes.

"Don't worry, Hook. We're not going to beat you."

The pirate was obviously relieved. But it didn't take long before his eyes filled with the apparent question, _'Well, what are you going to do?'_

Mary Margaret leaned down and held Hook's bearded chin. "One last chance, Killian… will you or will you not tell us where Emma went?"

Hook swallowed hard as he stared up into her deadly serious eyes. "Not telling," he whispered, though he could feel a sense of doom. Suddenly there was an unsettling smirk on Mary Margaret's face. She took a single finger and poked Hook in the ribs. He gasped and tensed. Mary Margaret's smile grew wider. She looked over at David who was also smirking.

"D-Don't do that," Hook hissed through his clenched teeth. Mary Margaret was dragging a fingernail down his chest.

"Why not?" she asked innocently. "Not ticklish are you, Hook?"

The captain didn't answer - he was too busy holding his breath as more fingers raked down his chest. His face started going red and swelling up as it got harder to hold back giggles. Mary Margaret stopped for a moment, at which point the captain relaxed. Then, without warning, she dug into his ribs with a all ten fingers. Hook could no longer hold it in. He squealed and burst into a fit of giggles.

David had a devious grin on his face, watching his wife tickle Hook. He decided to join in on tickle torture. Pretty soon, the pirate was laughing even harder as both David and Mary Margaret were tickling his ribs and sides.

"Stahahap it! Stahahahap! B-Blohohohoody Hehehehehehell! Nohohohohoho! Hahahahahaha! Dohohohohohon't tihihihihickle!" begged Hook through his laughter, his head jerking around as he squirmed.

Mary Margaret sneaked her hand underneath Hook's nightshirt, wiggling her fingers on his bare stomach. This made Hook shriek, but it got even worse when her fingers found his bellybutton.

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHO! STAHAHAAPAPAPAP PLEEHEHEHEHAASE! DAHAHAHAMN YOU! HOHOHOHOHOOHHOHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! I CAHAHAHAN'T STAHAHAHAHAHAND IT! NOHOHOHOHOH MOHOHOHORRE I BEHEHEHGG OF YOHOHOUU!" A hysterical Hook pleaded as sweat began to form on his reddened face. Finally the tickling did stop, giving the captain a chance to breath.

"Are you ready to talk now?" David asked, wiggling his fingers in the air to tease Hook.

"G-Go… t-to… h-hell."

David raised an eyebrow. "Uh… I'll take that as a 'no'." And with that, the tickle torture resumed, filling the motel room with Hook's laughter all over again.

The dwarves (who were all very ticklish themselves) couldn't bear to watch. They had to turn their heads and look away. Except for Leroy, who was watching the torture with great amusement, looking as if he wanted to tickle Hook too.

"Hey! Try his feet!" Leroy recommended, gleefully.

David thought this was a great idea and walked over to Hook's helpless, wiggling feet.

"No! NO! Not the feet! I'm begging you!"

"Will you tell us what Emma's up to?"

Hook considered it a moment. "I-I shall n-never tell…" he finally said, though very nervously.

David sighed. "Have it your way," Then he began tickling Hook's bare feet.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHOHOHOGAHAHAHAHA! PLEEHEHEHEHEEAAASSE! STAHAHAHAHAHHAPP! DOHOHOHN'T TIHIHIHCKLE MY FEHHEHEHEHEET! PLEEEHEHEHEAASSEE!" Hook pleaded and squirmed as he hysterically laughed. But David didn't let up.

"Tell us what's going on or I'll tickle these nice feet of yours all night!" threatened David, as he scribbled his fingers faster and faster on the soles of the pirate's feet.

Captain Hook couldn't even think. His feet were so ticklish that he could do nothing except laugh hysterically and plead for mercy. While David was busy with Hook's feet, Mary Margaret went back to tickling his upper body - in order to make the unbearable torture even worse. She settled herself over his hips and scribbled her fingers all over his chest and stomach. David uncurled Hook's toes so he could tickle the soft skin underneath them.

"NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! NOT THE TOES! NOHOHOHOHOT THE TOHOHOHOEEESS! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAVVEEE MEEERRRCCCYYY! I'LL TAAALLKKK! I'LL TAAALLKKK! I'LL TAHAHAHALLKK!"

"David, what did he say?"

"I think he said he'll talk… is that what you said, Hook?"

"YEEESSS! HAHAHAHAHAOHOHOHOHO! YEEESSSS! I'LL TAHAHALLKKK! ANYTHIHIHIHIHNNGGG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

"Okay, then," David stopped tickling his toes. Mary Margaret stopped the tickle attack on his stomach area.

Hook gasped desperately for air. The captain was mess, with tears of laughter rolling down the sides of his head. His dark hair was matted all over his red face with sweat.

Mary Margaret and David stayed close by, with their arms folded as they waited for him to be able to answer.

"I-I loaned Miss Swan… the m-money… because she h-had to… buy a present…"

Emma's parents looked at each other, equally surprised.

"A present?" Mary Margaret inquired. "For who? For when?"

The pirate was still gasping for breath. "F-For you… because next week is…is…"

"Mother's Day!" she finished his sentence for him. "Oh my goodness, I forgot all about that." Mary Margaret looked at David, then at Hook. She felt just terrible.

"But why would Emma be gone so long?" David asked Hook.

"W-Well, mate… she said s-something… about finding the perfect gift… or some nonsense like that."

The dwarves let go of the blanket they were using to hold Hook down, and they untied his hand and hook from the corners of the bed.

I'm sorry about this, Hook," Mary Margaret admitted.

"Aye, you should be," Hook began. "But don't worry about... I suppose I needed a good laugh anyway." He blushed when he said this.

"And another thing!" Leroy announced. "Now we all know exactly how to interrogate a codfish!"

"Let's go, Leroy," David ordered, pointing him toward the door.

"Not yet," Leroy said. Then he jumped on Hook, tickling him all over his sides and under his arms. The captain burst out laughing once again.

"Leroy, what are doing?" David asked.

"I'll gonna make him say he's a codfish! Come on, Hookie! Say you're a codfish!"

"NUH-NEVER! HAHAHAHAHAHA! STAHAHAHAHAP! NOHOHOHOHO! DON'T! DOHOHON'T! I CAHAHAHAN'T TAHAHAHAKKEE ANYMOHOHOHORRE!" shrieked Captain Hook as Leroy tickled him mercilessly. In his writhing and thrashing around, the pirate accidentally let his sharp hook nick Leroy's wrist.

"Oww!" the grumpy dwarf yelped in pain. He stopped tickling Hook to examine his wrist, finding a trickle of blood.

"Serves you right, mate," Hook said, catching his breath.

"Ah!" Leroy grumbled in annoyance, getting off the bed. "Come on, Charming, let's get out of here," he said to David, who was chuckling at what had just happened.

Mary Margaret and all the dwarves left the room, leaving David alone with the exhausted Captain Hook.

"How did you know I was so bloody ticklish in the first place?" asked Hook.

"Oh, we didn't know… not until night. You're busted now, Hook! I can't wait to tell Emma about this!" David said with an evil grin.

Hook stared at him in a panic. "No… No, you wouldn't tell Swan! You wouldn't tell her I'll… ticklish."

"Oh, but I would!" said David, smirking. "Goodnight, Hook."

David left the room and went to catch up with the others.

The End


End file.
